Journey Begins

Here we are in 2017, starting a fresh once more.  As we get older it becomes abundantly clear that time is running out.  You probably are thinking Duh!  Well when you are young you think you have all the time in the world to accomplish your dreams.  One day down the road you realize that time is passing you by and you've made compromises that involved putting those dreams on the back burner.   Some of those compromises are necessary due to life's little surprises.  Others are because you are afraid to take a risk.

I have been thinking about what I love to do and whether I really get a chance to do them.  Granted we can't play 100% of the time, but am I playing at all?  Am I having fun, finding joy?  Am I doing what God has called me to do, I honestly am not sure.  My life has taken so many twists and turns mostly due to my lack of action.  Don't get me wrong, I have accomplished things, but I'm not sure they were things I set out to do or was originally meant to do.  Maybe that is alright.

I believe that people and opportunities are put in our path for a reason and at a specific time.  As it says in Esther 4:14, They come to us, "for such a time as this."   God's timing is perfect, so why am I questioning my choices?  What if I was suppose to do something else and if I had, I would have come to the place I was meant to be faster and/or in a less challenging manner.  Will I get to where I was suppose to be before this life of mine is over?  These questions plague me at times, but they only cause me to slow down even more. 

I tend to be influenced heavily by those I respect and hold in high esteem.  I sometimes think I chase after things that I feel others think are important so I become enthralled with something important to someone else.  I wonder if that is why I feel like I haven't done what I was meant to do.  I'm distracted by what others dream about doing.  After I met B W, I believed my dream was to help others find their dream.  I found joy in doing that, but I still feel like I haven't done enough.  Could it be that that really isn't my dream?  Or maybe it is just a small part!

When I was younger I wanted to be an explorer or archeologist?  I wanted to discover things.  I also loved my teachers and at times wanted to be a teacher.  I liked to create things and take things apart so I could figure out how they worked.  Fixing things fascinated me as well.  I loved the ocean and the animals in the ocean, but was afraid of it.  Knowing all of this and knowing that I needed to be able to take care of myself as an adult I ended up studying Civil Engineering.

I had made my choice to become a civil engineer and that was that.  I was going to do that for the rest of my life.  I did some really cool things when I worked in that field, but always felt insecure about my abilities and felt like something was missing. Was I serving or helping others?  I was helping developers to build more buildings and the like.  It wasn't serving the community.  I guess even back then I had a servant's heart. 

All this being said, why am I sharing this with you?  I'm not really sure.  I guess I'm hoping that as I walk through this process it may be able to help someone else.  I think way too much and am hoping that if I write it out the solution will surface.  (Solutions...I am a scientist even if I am not sure that is what I suppose to be).  Solutions may be too hopeful of a word.  I think of solutions as the answer.  What I want to learn is how to be content with just discovering the next step on this journey that we call life.   For far too long I have been searching for the "answer" and that hasn't surfaced.  

The journey begins-