I'm not sure what is next so bear with me. I have spent the past week dealing with life. The following events are a part of life that you can not avoid.
It started with family dynamics of which I should not have had to be a part. My brother wasn't told about an upcoming surgery that our father has to have and was hurt by my father and myself even though his wife was told. It seems to always be about him and his feelings or challenges. It is a long story. Let's just say he has been the center of everyone's world because of his bad choices and he's never had to really bail himself out of trouble. He has been taken care of by everyone else. Instead of asking what he could do to help, he made it about his pain and hurt.
Next we got news that one of our uncles passed away. It didn't happen to be an uncle with which I was very close, but he was the husband of my dad's eldest sister. She is someone I was very close to as a child and I feel very badly for her loss. I hate that she has to go through this. Apparently he had just found out that he had cancer so it was a blessing in disguise. Although it never really seems to be a blessing for the ones left behind.
Within a couple of days, I received a call from my dad saying that his younger sister had had a stroke and was in the hospital. He was very shaken up, because she lives with him and couldn't figure out was wrong. She was in bad health prior to this incident so it's very scary. Dad depends on her help even though she drives him crazy. Her carotid artery is partially blocked and they were suppose to clear it out. We are still waiting after a week to here back from the doctor on what he has done.
Selfishly I'm thinking about my already scheduled trip to be with my dad. I'm anxious about what I will need to do. I don't know if she will still be in the hospital or in a rehab facility or what. I know that my dad is concerned about what he needs to do so I will need to help him stay calm so that he'll be alright for his surgery which is in 4 days. I don't know how any of this works financially. I know dad needs her assistance to pay the bills and he is worried that they will take all of her money. He won't admit it, but I know he is also worried about losing her. He would be alone.
So that has been my week. When I spoke of life's challenges that keep you from moving forward, this is an example. The key for me is to not get bogged down and work my way through it all. Remembering my ultimate goal, which is discovering what makes me truly sing and following that. I don't have the answers on how that is done, but I guess that is where listening to God and waiting patiently for his direction comes into the picture. I'm not saying to do nothing. What needs to be done is continue to move and be cognizant of the Lord.
Coping with Life's Challenges and Patiently Listening-
Here we are in 2017, starting a fresh once more. As we get older it becomes abundantly clear that time is running out. You probably are thinking Duh! Well when you are young you think you have all the time in the world to accomplish your dreams. One day down the road you realize that time is passing you by and you've made compromises that involved putting those dreams on the back burner. Some of those compromises are necessary due to life's little surprises. Others are because you are afraid to take a risk.
I have been thinking about what I love to do and whether I really get a chance to do them. Granted we can't play 100% of the time, but am I playing at all? Am I having fun, finding joy? Am I doing what God has called me to do, I honestly am not sure. My life has taken so many twists and turns mostly due to my lack of action. Don't get me wrong, I have accomplished things, but I'm not sure they were things I set out to do or was originally meant to do. Maybe that is alright.
I believe that people and opportunities are put in our path for a reason and at a specific time. As it says in Esther 4:14, They come to us, "for such a time as this." God's timing is perfect, so why am I questioning my choices? What if I was suppose to do something else and if I had, I would have come to the place I was meant to be faster and/or in a less challenging manner. Will I get to where I was suppose to be before this life of mine is over? These questions plague me at times, but they only cause me to slow down even more.
I tend to be influenced heavily by those I respect and hold in high esteem. I sometimes think I chase after things that I feel others think are important so I become enthralled with something important to someone else. I wonder if that is why I feel like I haven't done what I was meant to do. I'm distracted by what others dream about doing. After I met B W, I believed my dream was to help others find their dream. I found joy in doing that, but I still feel like I haven't done enough. Could it be that that really isn't my dream? Or maybe it is just a small part!
When I was younger I wanted to be an explorer or archeologist? I wanted to discover things. I also loved my teachers and at times wanted to be a teacher. I liked to create things and take things apart so I could figure out how they worked. Fixing things fascinated me as well. I loved the ocean and the animals in the ocean, but was afraid of it. Knowing all of this and knowing that I needed to be able to take care of myself as an adult I ended up studying Civil Engineering.
I had made my choice to become a civil engineer and that was that. I was going to do that for the rest of my life. I did some really cool things when I worked in that field, but always felt insecure about my abilities and felt like something was missing. Was I serving or helping others? I was helping developers to build more buildings and the like. It wasn't serving the community. I guess even back then I had a servant's heart.
All this being said, why am I sharing this with you? I'm not really sure. I guess I'm hoping that as I walk through this process it may be able to help someone else. I think way too much and am hoping that if I write it out the solution will surface. (Solutions...I am a scientist even if I am not sure that is what I suppose to be). Solutions may be too hopeful of a word. I think of solutions as the answer. What I want to learn is how to be content with just discovering the next step on this journey that we call life. For far too long I have been searching for the "answer" and that hasn't surfaced.
The journey begins-
